Ladies & Gentlemen

My kids will end up junkies if I kill myself today

So I hold my head up high and greet the crowd who gladly paid

Ladies and Gentlemen my name is whatever you'd like it to be

Now here's some songs I didn't write I hope you like the way I sing

Too many people love to thank me with free drinks and free cocaine

Should I take another sip or should I blow out all my brains?

I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do with all my time

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to me attempting to not kill myself tonight

But when I need to make that phone call all my friends are dead asleep

So I confide in drunken barstool maids with lipstick on their teeth