Anti-Masturbation Song Lyrics

Xavier was walking home from school

When something colorful caught his eye

Thin pages turning in the windy gutter

As he approached the pink plastic

And reached out to grab it

He saw the devil's clam in the air

And his tongue and eyes all grew hair

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

Shame is the game, so you better not be jerking off

God is always watching, so don't be wetting your socks

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

Johnny's friend gave him a CD

Music was horrid and seedy

Got to be indulgent and greedy

He whispered in his ears and his hands looked south

He was found dead

Foaming at the mouth

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

Shame is the game, so you better not be jerking off

God is always watching, so don't be wetting your socks

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

Sally had to tinkle when she was little

But she let the devil get the best of her

She put not one, not two, but three fingers inside

And was raped by Lucifer

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

Shame is the game, so you better not be jerking off

God is always watching, so don't be wetting your socks

It's the anti masturbation song

And if you love God, then won't you sing along

Now remember kids

The daycare closes at five PM

So your parents must pick you up by that time promptly

Cause the doors will be closed and locked

And you'll be forced to spend the night with me

We have so many activities planned

Now remember

It's never okay to touch yourself

But you should let Jesus touch you anyway