What If / Answer Me Lyrics

I hope this letter gets to you on time

Do you still cry at night

Or at random times

Plan your own demise

Looking at the moon in the trying times

Willing to compromise

Thinking of killing yourself before they take your life

I apologize

That's my pride

Speaking

I got a question

Are we still in different rooms drinking champagne

Knowing that we share pain

Looking at the snow painted in bloodstains

I might go blind but I can't look away

I saw my past life contradict my age

I just ask no one hit my line

On my own is when I'm fine

Locked in so I'm confined

As my wrath and pride combine

So my strength can realign

I know love is in my design because

I treat my worst demons so kind

Intoxicated by the lunacy I call it moonshine

Getting out of line in my storyline

But that's just how I feel

I'll cannonball in a minefield

I didn't talk to the serpent

I was drowned by an eel

Car engine won't start this is so unreal

I need to go to work to pay these bills

I'm tryna stay ahead of the curve

But spinning out of control

I'm pissed that you got the nerve

To you expect better from me

And hide the loophole

I'd rather be gone

Than be dead wrong

Push me away

But I'm asked to tag along

I wasn't it

I'm forced in a place where I don't belong

Nor do I fit

Waiting for the option to log off and quit

You'd have to kill me I'd never admit

That I commit conflict

Bound to explode as I slowly tick

Is my life an eternal interlude

Or a second-long skit

I don't know where I'd be without music

Abuse this

Tired of the muses

That are only excuses

To call back and keep refusing

Then they ask if I'm okay

I don't wanna talk about it is what I say

Then they get mad and throw it back in my face

This is why I trust no one to embrace

And they'll point their fingers at me saying I'm the one who got problems

But do the same things in silence

Afraid of being made fun of

Death is on the come up

There is no time for fun

From birth I was done

Stories that are unsung

Kept pushing until I didn't feel pain

It may take a while but I'll get there one day

I'm not fearless or brave

My home is a cave

The path the greats done paved

Is hidden in their shadow unscathed

Looking at photos of me as child

Praying the lost boy can be found

I'm a pathological procrastinator

My pain is the worst flavor

Haunted by my dreams wide awake

So you know I'll stay up

I'm the water boy who grew out of his phases

I don't give flowers I'll just send vases

Can't get high off the loud

Wasn't hitting when he did it by the ounce

So now

He smoked by the pound

It got his head pounding

Rerouted to the lost connection

Restarted the router

Out of time the clock tower

Rip the power lines there's no power

We blackout, in the dark a lot of you will cower

Kendrick taught me my idols aren't my saviors

Drake showed me all my worst behaviors

I thank Cole for being someone I can relate to

I'm my biggest fan and somehow my biggest hater

Ready to meet my maker

I'll write it all on this paper

I'm not worried if I don't make it

A difference is what I want to be making

I asked myself this

What if

I never got

Because I don't give

Trying to redefine my hatred into power

You salty but your expression seems sour

My worst moments always screen capture

Freed my compassion but who's your captor

You'll see what I mean in the second chapter

Judged simply by one's stature

Wasn't at church but still saw the pastor

Spoiled longevity cuz the beer wasn't pasteurized

I can't act oblivious and wise

While the newborn expires

Three days out the womb

Can't do the surgery because she's barely a baby

Let alone a child

The parents are restless and tired

Until it was time

They baby girl cease function

Dressed in all black family function

There's no riddle

No conundrum

Just death

Waited 9 months just to hold cold flesh

Swerving out of control I'm totally wrecking it

Visiting empty rooms of my dead relatives

Anxiety attacks abusing these sedatives

Being so nice showed me no benefits

But I still refuse to breed malevolence

Left me high and dry but for some reason I'm drenched

Using money to buy them a sixth sense

I'm stuck in a cycle and in a box

The way things are cut

The bloopers never got caught

Satan whispering it's all for naught

Respecting myself is a lesson yet to be taught

I got a high work output lower my watts

I went to the doctors

They don't know what I got

Just take shot after shot

Until you can't feel your veins

My brain shouldn't tell me my heart is where I should aim

If I want stones to have a print of my name

Turned what was mental

And made it emotional

I wonder if my feelings are influential

Begging for someone to hold my heart gentle

Sing me to sleep with a lullaby

Trying to clarify my alibi

Oh you can't be sad all you do is smile

Let my battle cry magnify

To people whose lives parallel mine

I saw my uncle once but that doesn't mean that I met him

Funny the police still looking for confessions

Who will justify

If I just defy

The gravity of the situation

I could never be a hater

You act too brazen

I was told if I ain't going to bust it then I shouldn't have it

He saw it happen

Man froze then his brain matter

Paint the molasses

Killer took the gun then drove right past him

That refrained me from asking

Why in the world would they close the casket

I wonder if God regrets his son being crucified

I wonder if my mistakes were worthwhile

Was I really worth the sacrifice

What am bringing to the table

Other than the truth perceived as a fable

Written a certain way to make it look fatal

Clogged my sensors now everything's painful

I'm stuck in the beta with cheat codes

Go for what's mine down below

Always looking down I call it CeeLo

Tried to stay higher than a G note

They say I'm riding waves but I'm not a sailor

The suit is bluefish thanks to the tailor

I have more questions excuse my manners

How can I relax when there's room for failure

I hear it constantly

S-u-i-c-i–d-e

I question my priority

Always putting someone before me

Hardly enjoying

Other people's company

As they laugh with me

But I'm not smiling

R-e-s-p-e-c-t

You don't deserve that from me

Never trusted our chemistry

My funeral may be revelry

Cuz I'll be relieved

Of the stressing

Just, please

Somebody answer me