The Secret History Lyrics

There's a hundred bodies buried in the ground

On the hill that we drove past to go to your dead father's house

Where they laid you down with all the other wilted women

Who lit candles by the river and talked to themselves out loud

On the way home in the bleary grey dark October fog

I swore I saw a shadow moving in the rain that hit the car

I'd love to be wrong

I'd love to be wrong about death

You were the safety orange-gold of home

The porch light on, the electric thrum passed through, coursing around you

When I saw your face change from stern to angry musing then I knew

There was nothing that I could do

When I stepped inside your all consuming grace the first time around

at was all I could do to lie down and serve for you

I'd love to be wrong

I'd love to be wrong about death

I had my whole life

Been a vessel waiting to be used

Turned out and born anew

I am standing in the empty space

The vacant place that I had tied you to

It was easier to die

Than to lose you (than to lose to you)

I'd love to be wrong

I'd love to be wrong about death

But you could never prove me wrong

So I write you out of all my memoirs

Since he doesn't like it when I talk

About the things that used to make me

Feel alive now nearly break me

And I can never be convinced

That you love me now like you loved me then

The best that I can do for you is

Walk away my black and blue

I'm in denial of everything I used to understand

So why do I feel the need to

Let you hurt me the way you want to

I never recognised the way that people say it kills

But now I do

Now I do