Who We Become in the Midst of Martyrdom Lyrics

Astaghfirullah

Astaghfirullah, yea

Yea

I paint my mother a martyr

I splash the canvas wit dark hues of red

Her voice was a whisper

Piercing the night and quelling the murderous thoughts in my head

I never sleep in the night, ain't fuckin wit slumber that bitch is the cousin of death

And I have a fear of creepin' tween sheets

While I'm sleep and stealin' the last of my breath

Just look at my mom, she dead on the floor

In need of salvation, her faith fadin' fast

While mine follow suit

I'm fashioned to murder my demons and niggas who never had love

You let them enter and steal all your worth

They payin' wit pennies but your kids was treasure that you didn't cherish

The fuck was you thinkin

Why you don't love em

Why you ain't hug em

If you couldn't love me then why I was born

You kind to these niggas that's doing you wrong but growin' up

I felt the scorch from your scorn

You snatch my smile from right off my face

I'm down on my knees, I weep and I pray

And I cry say, "I cry too much"

Revolving door sit at the entrance of home wit new niggas passin'

But never a father, alotta them weird

They schemin' and plottin', put you at odds wit mufuckin' daughter

Eldest son casually create more casualties for the trauma to embed itself further

I think of hate and the love never felt

I think of water rollin' down black skin in the tub where I got my black ass whipped

Like a fuckin slave, it's apparent that you not parents

I don't wanna be anything like you

It's shocking you treat us this way and claim you still love us

So I never sleep in the night kuz that's when I see your true face

Bloody and covered in gore, baring your fangs

I told you it's someone that come to me inside the dark

You dismiss me and don't wanna hear it

So smell the piss on my sheets and fear in my voice

I beat on the door kuz it's down the hall

These shadows are moving

The claws gnash at my ankles as I try run

My sister can't save me, its creepin' up close

My brother sleep soundly wen I need him most

Fuck it, this monster was yours

Momma, just open the door

Momma just open the door

Why can't you hear my cries

Oh, wait kuz they never heard yours

It was back in the 80s she laid on the floor

He abused all his trust just to get in her drawers

She just a child need I say more

She carried this trauma kuz her momma did too

Poppa was murdered, what she posed to do

She need to feel loved so it start wit one kid

Can't get up and leave like the nigga she fuckin

Don't know her worth so she settle for suckers

Her children watch her depression and suffer

Her youngest son pausin' his life, he stop kuz he love her

She sick and stricken, he wipin' her ass and mendin' these fissures

They sleep in a van, she still fuckin' wit niggas that nothin

While stuck in the struggle

So called friends that she have say they can't help wit much

But she aid em wit they kids and such

Put them first know she fuckin up

Daughter crippin' now

One son doing well but the other is suicidal

Up late, he been seein' things

Felt her death comin' in a dream

Hit her phone tryna get rite, before she bow out

'Fore her skull shattered on a cold floor

'Fore he split his veins wit a vertical

'Fore he speak his shame wit his whole chest

'Fore his son to grow and be just like him

'Fore his own pain to outweigh his guilt from this street shit we can't speak on

From the past where the pain was born and arrived through this adolescence

So devoid of blessings

Couldn't find a heaven but we live in hell

Lights off, never fuckin' well

In this black void, try to find God but you keep fallin', plungin', slippin' farther

If you submit slow to your lowest lows, use the blood from my split veins

As a fuckin' charter

Watch me wet the canvas wit this dark shade of red as I paint a martyr

In the dark, evil comes to light

Happiness has come to die

Let it perish in peace

Lay it down wit my homies

Burn it with my mother

Share it with my lover

Broken, I've come to hate myself

The past isn't far, it is at my spine

No, there isn't much time for the hope that I covet

On the Westside wit my niggas, know we thuggin'

Keep a smile on my face until I close my eyes

The embrace is real, we all have to die

We all have to die

The embrace is real and we all have to die