The Hagrid Rap (Bonus Track) Lyrics

My name is Hagrid and I have to say

This Hogwarts school is not okay

There are too many stairs

What’s the deal?

Why can't I get a teleporting meal?

You call it a school?

But it’s not that cool

I’m to blame

But what can you do

Your school is based whos a good boy

Let’s see who’s dumbledores favourite toy

You're the boy who lived

What a shame

Your parents are dead and you’re to blame

You came to this school to have a good time

But you're just committing a terrible crime

Hello Hermione you think you're so smart

But yeah

Hmm

Where should I start?

Your hair looks like its covered in flees

But sadly it’s not as pretty as me

Teacher's pet

Never by yourself

Dumbledore thought you were a house-elf

Oh hey it’s Ron…

Oh yeah the boy everyone forgot

Ooh

Roasted by the hagrid

Hagrid

He’s the best

Puts the students to their rest

Then he’s gonna eat their souls

Cause he sold his soul for rock and roll

There’s a snake in the bathroom

That’s my meal

And a troll in the dungeon?

No big deal

Children die and turn to stone

While I’m at my cabin smoking some bone

Maybe explain yourself Dumbledoor

Nope

You're too busy pissing on the floor

You’re an old man

I can understand

But leaving a baby alone is kinda bad plan

Snape the incel

What a jerk.

You're a bully who shouldn't work

Stop chasing a woman who's dead

Even so

She still won't give you head

Voldemort?

Don’t make me laugh!

You’re just as pathetic as your emo staff

make a big deal about creating tragedies

But you’ve never eaten children in front of their families

HAHA LOSER

You’re listening to the hagrid bonus track

No, you cant have your money back!