The Ballad of Lumpy (Vital Functions) Lyrics

Once I had a friend his name was Lumpy

Now Lumpy was a very lazy guy

He never wanted to do what he had to do

And when he did he kept on asking why

One day he said "You know I'm through with eating

I'm tired of chewing food three times a day

And as for drinking water well I don't think I oughter

Why should I bother eating anyway?"

Lumpy Lumpy it's a Vital Function that's why

Without some good Nutrition you would be in bad condition

If you stop eating you''ll die

"Alright" he said "I'll eat but I'm not breathing

Who needs to exercise their lungs all day?

If I don't get some air well I don't really care

Why should I keep on breathing anyway?"

Lumpy Lumpy it's a Vital Function that's why

Here's some inspiration for continued Respiration

If you stop breathing you''ll die

"Okay" he said" he said "I guess I'll keep on breathing

But after that I tell you I am through!

Be it air or ice cream cone once inside they're on their own

Why should I even care where they go to?"

Lumpy Lumpy it's a Vital Function that's why

Your continuation depends on Circulation

You don't use it then you'll lose it and you'll die

Now I think I should mention at this junction

Those are vegetative Vital Functions

There are others that you have to use

To live the life I know that you would choose

There's Sensitivity to where your food should be

And then there's Support so you don't fall

And with menial deduction we can see that Reproduction

Is essential or you wouldn't be here at all

Lumpy hung his head and said "That's awful

If it wasn't so much effort I'd be irked

I think I'll go to bed" Then he heaved a sigh and said

"It's terrible to be this overworked"