We Don't Talk About Claims Rates Lyrics

We don't talk about claims rates, no, no, no!

We don't talk about claims rates…

Listen

I was in court one day

(He was in court one day)

It was payday, Final approval's gonna be easy as pie

(It should have been easy as pie)

Her Honor walks in, now it's time to begin

All rise

You telling this story, or am I?

I'm so sorry sir, go on

I told the court "The deal deserves acclaim"

It really did, yeah

"Well how many folks submitted claims?"

Um, do we have to answer?

We did the best notice campaign

Counsel, this is not a game!

We don't talk about claims rates, no, no, no!

We don't talk about claims rates…

Hey!

Grew to live in fear of judges sweating us inquiring

Talking about claims got us fretting and perspiring

Gotta keep those stats buried deep under the sand

Fees without claims looks a lot more like we're plundering

It's enough to get some judges curious and wondering

If the truth gets out we might just be unmanned

Do you understand?

Very few claims

Are made by the class

Notice goes out

But claims don't come back en masse

Ignore your unease

Just give us our fees

(Hey!)

We don't talk about claims rates, no, no, no!

We don't talk about claims rates

We had a really great campaign

Got one percent

Claims Rates!

We know how to make it rain

Just one percent?

Claims Rates!

Chill my dude it's not worth the worry or sweat or the strain

We're gonna celebrate, someone pour the champagne

What if we told you the life of your dreams could be easy

Without that much work

That you could do the bare minimum, you see, and succeed

Not to sound like a jerk

Oye Ted Frank is on his way

Ugh that Ted Frank guy's the worst, he makes us look so bad

People think that we're lazy

I think I hear him now

Ted Frank, I want not a sound out of you

I can hear him now

Um, claims rates

Yeah, about those claims rates

I really want to know about claims rates

Gimme the truth and the whole truth, claims rates

(Oh no, Ted Frank is HERE!)

Ask for a recess!

They know the truth

If they just know where to look

Adam Levitt's 1 percent

Just let Facebook off the hook

Yeah they see we're lame

We're just playing the game

SHUT UP!

You telling this story or am I

Oye, Ted Frank is on his way

I told the court "The deal is great"

They know the truth, if they just know where to look

"Well how many folks submitted claims?"

Reputation's down the drain

He's here!

Can't talk about claims rates!

(Why did I talk about claims rates?)

Not a word about claims rates

I never should've brought up claims rates!