Thought Loops Lyrics

I remember walkin to the store for the fam

Pickin up the groceries I was about eleven

Didn't understand situations I'm in

Took it all for granted, but I wasn't granted much

Ran into a problem at an early age, dealin with the rage

Had to channel it, we lookin to escape

Learned it hella soon that I had to make room

I didnt have room, so I made me a place

Fantasy n more lies, stay in paradise

Playin videogames to cover up the pain

Same way that momma had to cover up the shame of the life that she gave

Wasn't much, didnt give a fuck

Knew I stayed away from a lot growin up

Til a spark rolled up tried set it all off

Dynamite blow when the truth unfolds

Saw the world that I know fall apart crumble

Learnin what she did, the demons were hid

Til I figured out shit, what to make out of this

Gimme one wish couldn't handle what it is

If I saw the chance would I even take it

Even if I could, do you think I deserved it

Even if I didn't, you suppose I need to earn it

Either way I look can't change I ain't perfect

Nothin that I did mattered til I unlearned it

Can't resolve it, so I drink it

Can't solve it, overthinkin

Same problems never sinkin

Same options, don't see it

Don't want it, but I need it

Can't call it, I ain't seen it

Some feel wrong when I speak it

Don't wanna talk or I'll believe it

Didn't pray back then cause of too much fear

Sorry bout the story if it ain't clear

Lotta holes in my memory trauma blocked out

Lotta holes in my brain, drank blacked out

Short term, long term, homie take a pick

I met people off a coke binge, sick and it slick

Different people growin up, an adult didn't know

When his time as a child was called normal

13 Switches and I still get pressed

What type a person livin sane, didn't stress

Got no excuse, definin what it is

Bout half my life I was a homeless kid

Hittin 18 no longer a child

Didnt grow up disciplined, didn't know how to live

Focused on what I didn't want, not what I got

So the demons that I hid made me think I ain't shit

So I'm stuck when I sit

In the ground where I dig

Got my feet in a ditch

Am I man or a kid

I hold onto comfort like it's all I got

Cause stability is all that I miss

Grew up in chaos I been made aware of the abyss

Learnin what she did, the demons were hid

Til I figured out shit, what to make out of this

Gimme one wish couldn't handle what it is

If I saw the chance would I even take it

Even if I could, do you think I deserved it

Even if I didn't, you suppose I need to earn it

Either way I look can't change I ain't perfect

Nothin that I did mattered til I unlearned it

Can't resolve it, so I drink it

Can't solve it, overthinkin

Same problems never sinkin

Same options, don't see it

Don't want it, but I need it

Can't call it, I ain't seen it

Some feel wrong when I speak it

Don't wanna talk or I'll believe it

Never goin back

Smokin on that sack

Lobby full of trash

Kids sit by the glass

Cuts turn to a gash

Never takin baths

Sleepin on a cot

No pillows n no naps

Seein a relapse

I tell you if you're trapped

You shouldn't feel relaxed

Drugs were all she had

Making things less bad

She didn't show us that

But we seen enough to know

Curtains didn't hang

Wind blow cold

Doors knock with a bang

Windows stayed cracked

Bed bugs attack

Methheads sneak in through the back

Can't tell if Avelino dyin caused that

Avelino did

He had the SIDS

My lil brother dead only

2 Months in

To a life he lived

Mom couldn't bear

Her son now gone

Were the Drugs her first or last resort

Would you know what to do if you went through the same thing

Do I keep livin with the pain that you gave me

Wonder if she asked do my kids hate me

Were the drugs her first or last resort

Tryna make a way without losin sight of my aim

So many things almost buried me in my pain

I could've easily been circlin the drain

But I chose not to give up or give in to the strain

It's a wonder that I even wonder what I ain't

If it was you you would never look back again

If it was you, could you even try to fathom it mayne

If it was you, would you even want to try n explain

Can't resolve it, so I drink it

Can't solve it, overthinkin

Same problems never sinkin

Same options, don't see it

Don't want it, but I need it

Can't call it, I ain't seen it

Some feel wrong when I speak it

Don't wanna talk or I'll believe it

Can't resolve it, so I drink it

Can't solve it, overthinkin

Same problems never sinkin

Same options, don't see it

Don't want it, but I need it

Can't call it, I ain't seen it

Some feel wrong when I speak it

Don't wanna talk or I'll believe it

You gotta ride it out

Oh! Okay, Oh yeah I've already had that thought

I must be in a thought loop, I'll just think of something else

No, dude you gotta ride it out, remember

Cause you're in a thought loop

Oh, of course I'm in a thought loop, I'll just

Dude you have already had all these thoughts

Oh, okay, so I'm in a thought loop. I'll think of something else

You've already tried that and there was nothing else

You gotta ride it out. Oh. Okay... But I've already thought of that

Yeah dude, cause you're in a thought loop

Oh, okay, well then I'll just think of something else

No, you gotta ride it out. Remember? Oh, I remember

Cause I've already had all these thoughts