ThE CoNsTaNt DiLeMmA oF fEeLiNg lOsT Lyrics

Paths were taken

Those bonds were meant for breaking

I was mistaken

I believed that I needed saving

Paths were chosen

But not the one that I was hoping

It left me broken

It felt like a hole had opened

Constantly felt like I ain't know where to go

Constantly felt like I was deep in a hole

I laid in the snow

There was people in the room but i was feeling alone

I didn't understand how i felt so i kept my mouth closed

I didn't get fed i was all in my head

All I felt was dread i felt so dead

Take me back Take me back uh

Ain't talking bout no bitch I'm talking bout the past yuh

When shit was simpler when I ain't get attacked uh

Now all I see is snow I really miss the pastures

But now the difference is I keep getting hurt from every incident

Mission is finding the smile in all the instances

I gotta stop blaming everyone for how I wanna behave

I was making the choice but never made the change

I didn't know where to go no more

Was constant battle in my mind just war

Memories of my past felt warm

Could not remember how I was before

My body's aching my body feels sore

Every muscle in my body is torn

I'm reshaping myself and my core

So I can stand and get up from my floor

I was lost nigga couldn't fucking walk nigga

I didn't know shit another fucking pawn nigga

I was drowning in my filth in my pond nigga

Didn't mean to build it yeah it kind of just spawned there

Yeah I have trouble with being honest

Yeah Yeah I have trouble with responding

Nowadays I don't trust a promise

And most days I- I feel despondent

Rope around my neck but wasn't thinking bout no suicide

I didn't wanna die but I was feeling very dead inside

Who should I call or talk to? that wasn't in my mind

First thought go in the closet and start writing lines

I wasn't tryna be corny or try to beg for help

But that was the only way for me to express myself

Talking to a mic that never says a word

Made it easier for me to voice why I'm hurt

Lately I've been stuck in the dirt in the desert

Lately I ain't been giving not feeling tender

So recording on a beat made my heart warm and made me feel better

But that's dumb as fuck

Like why can't I talk about this stuff?

Why can't I choose myself to love?

Why do my dreams seem so high above?

Why do I keep asking if I'm enough?

I didn't know where to go no more

Was constant battle in my mind just war

Memories of my past felt warm

Could not remember how I was before

My body's aching my body feels sore

Every muscle in my body is torn

I'm reshaping myself and my core

So I can stand and get up from my floor

With this music shit I always tell everyone how I feel

Some people listen and some people don't

Some'll get it some won't

You see my friends my family even random niggas tend to ask me

Hey are you okay? and-

How come you're not as energetic?

Shit like Why aren't you talking to me are you mad? Did I do something wrong? Just talk to me!

How am I supposed to do that without feeling like I'm being judged or feeling guilty for feeling how I want to feel?

Look I act unusual to you because I put on these performances for people to make them feel comfortable

Nobody likes a motherfucker who's quiet and doesn't give them attention

As a child I used to be naturally outgoing energetic social

But now I don't feel like forcing that shit

It doesn't come naturally to me

Being quiet reserved and thoughtful is more me now

Now I'm not saying people won't accept me for the quiet guy that I am

I'm saying that I'm afraid that they just won't fully get it

People keep telling me that you can't just change or switch up on people but you can

If you aren't happy with the person you are right now then you can change for the better for yourself

The change could be today tomorrow next week next month could take a year to change

People change to be different from who they are

I changed because I couldn't pretend to be that social butterfly anymore

If I had never changed I would've ended up still looking for my smile

But now since I've finally chosen to be myself unapologetically and chosen to focus on myself

I was able to find it again