Metal Napkins Lyrics

Behold my brand new invention

It's a cool new doo-dad rife with pretention

Metal straws have some fresh competition

That all the hip millennials will buy in mint condition

It's not a new straw, those are so last week

It's something even better, sharp and sleek

Now that you're sitting consider yourself ready

I'm about to show you the next best thing since spaghetti

Metal napkins, metal napkins

It’ll make those tubes look like lousy old has-beens

Metal napkins, metal napkins

Made from aircraft aluminum, as it so happens

Six inches tall and equally as wide

Machine-engineered with pointed sides

These napkins will sell like a Marvel movie

While wiping off the mess that was left by your smoothie

(Hey my mustache is gone) Oh yeah

In a pinch, these things also double as a shaver

Putting these out to market would be reckless behavior

And that's why before you buy you have to sign a waiver

Metal napkins, metal napkins

Disrupting the flow of food sanitation

Metal napkins, metal napkins

Giving metal straws their rightful cancellation

Johnson, it seems like you’re the one who’s getting canceled

Your napkins are more like a meat cleaver with no handle

They contravene over 65 safety regulations

You don’t believe me? Take it up with the United Nations

Pack it up, that’s it, you’re done, go home

And tell your wife I said shalom

But she's not Jewish, and neither am I

What I am though is a visionary you're just blind

Metal napkins are the future, you'll see

But for now au revoir, adios, arrivederci

Metal napkins, metal napkins

Metal napkins